tuesday, 12:38 AM;;
i'm still retired from xanga.
im just so stressed out.
i cant even control it anymore
and i care so much about everything
im driving myself crazy.
i swear to god there hasnt been one night that i havent cried in THREE weeks. i cry eeevery single night. for the exact same reason- and its just so overwhelming. i mean, seriously. you'd think i would run out of tears by now. holy jesus, how does this even happen.
and its because i always forgive him. i always say i wont, but i do. hell, the reason why i probably cry all the time is because i have to forgive him. i just cant go a day without him.. and he knows it. it sucks more than anything that he knows it. because he can just take advantage of it and do whatever he pleases. and sure, i'll be mad for a day.. but no big deal. i'll just end up calling him and crying and telling him i love him and i want to work on it. and he's like, "i will change." i believe him and of course.. he doesn't. because nothing changes and you cant try to fix something that is already broken.
everythings easier said than done.
i just wish for one night i could go to bed with a dry pillow.
i'm sick of always sleeping in my tears.
i want so bad to write about my saturday night; but i cant, so i wont. i'll just say its wierd how something that started out so perfect could end so painfully. aghhkjjfkdklf;' so, so painfully.
love hurts a whole lot.
but i am done because i have two stories for yearbook due and i always write these depressing-as-shit entries and i apologize. i'll probably just sleep off my sadness and put on that fake smile im so good at.
----------------------------------------------------
i liked mallorys party.
and i have pictures to prove it.
all the girls.
kolby, kels, me, laura, & blaire.
look at those hotties eatin their cakes :)
my lovely loner group.
laura, blaire, ashton, me, keke, & kelsey in the back.
that is all of that.
now i just have to describe my two favorite people...
blaire beutler.
and hillary newth.
i know it seems cliche, but seriously..
what the hell would i do without them?
blaire; i wouldn't be able to describe a true friend without naming off every single one of your qualities. i know when i need you the most, your always there. you have no idea how good that feels. you've been my shoulder to cry on and have been the only one to know exactly what to say when i come to you bawling. no one can help me quite like you can.. and i appriciate you so much. i love you with my whole heart- to the mooon and back.
hillary; holy lord. i miss you a lot. you are my best friend and i would never want to lose you as one. you have been one of the only people who have actually seen me hysterically cry.. and even when i was, you could still make me smile. you always make me look on the brighter side of things; and i've learned a lot listening to you. you're such an amazing person and i wouldnt trade our friendship for the world.
i really wouldn't.
i love my best friends.
all my friends amaze me.
i consider myself lucky in that department.
wednesday
edit 9:50 PM;;
okay i wont lie, a lot of shit bugs me. but my biggest pet-peeve of ALL time... is when people don't care- or act like they don't. not just with david, but with my family and friends. i swear, act like you don't care and it WILL drive me crazy. if you are my friend and we are in a fight, i WANT you to try to work it out with me. unless i say to you "i need to be alone right now," i STILL want you to talk to me. and i'm not saying i will be easy to talk to but atleast give me your efforts. god, just care.
or tonight when i cried to my mom.. what did she do?
she laughed in my face.
there i stood in her presence, bawling my eyes out to her and all she could do was shake her head as shes texting her fucking boyfriend and laughed at me. i told her i wasn't having a good night, and she stuck up her nose and pretended like she couldn't hear a word i was saying.
but don't worry, she ended up saying something.
"kelsey, you just can't let things go. JUST LET THINGS GO!"
and guess what i did.
.. just guess.
i called the only person that makes that statement true.
and of course when i needed him there the most; he wasn't.
but it wouldnt be right for me to expect him to care about it.
we're not even together. he doesn't have to anymore...
yeah hi and to make matters worse, it's a snow day tomorrow and my mom wont even let me go over to ashleys to make cookies with her family and go sledding. asdfghjkl;'
life fucking sucks. | 
